non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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