You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
