Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
