so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
