so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
