Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
