i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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