I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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