Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I love you. Go after that dick
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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