I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
