It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
