I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
