just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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