Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
