I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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