just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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