Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
