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My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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