'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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