Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
two words...techno handjob
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
