you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
