dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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