why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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