I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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