i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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