i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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