Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
