Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
