somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
