I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
