She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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