where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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