So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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