i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
