By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
