Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
