I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
