He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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