Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I will die if light touches me.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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