She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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