I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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