he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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