I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
