i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
