ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
