I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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