Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
