Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
