i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
