so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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