Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We smell like vodka and hangover
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