i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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