Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
