It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
