Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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